The Mom-Crunched Triathlete

Chris Carmichael is making coin with his Time-Crunched Triathlete Book.  I am in the process of publishing my book, which is subtitled: The Mom-Crunched Triathlete.

Okay, so maybe I’m not exactly publishing the book yet.  And perhaps, only five three two chapters are complete.  And maybe that subtitle is not set in stone….

In case you missed the memo (and the giant logo at the top of my blog), I sometimes give unsolicited advice about the juggling act that is motherhood, working, triathlon, blogging, freelancing, laundry, bills, and all of the other ridiculous tasks that I do on a daily basis to ensure that I will certainly land on my butt, in the looney bin, wearing my chamois shorts by the ripe old age of 35.

• Be Mom and Be Awesome. Be a mom and be awesome. Yes, you can be both a mom and a triathlete/runner/cyclist/chess champion (insert whatever you think is awesome here).  And yes, you should do it.  You were here first. Take care of you. If you fail to take care of yourself, you are a useless pet rock to those around you.  Stop whining.  Do it. And do not feel guilty about it.
  Plus, remind yourself that you are forever ingraining certain ideals in your kids, and when they see you fall down on your bike and get back up, that’s a lesson. When they watch you smear lubricant all over… oh, nevermind that lesson.
• Nod and Smile.  When the non-busy, non-important people of your world require stupid things of you that take away from motherhood, family, work, or training…. just nod and smile, knowing that you have no intention of doing anything they ask.  By the nod/smile, the Asker will find you polite, and when you simply “forget” to bake that Sunshine Pie for the non-race related fundraiser (people actually have non-race fundraisers??), you can just wave your hands and blame your busy life. **Editor’s Note: From experience, I know that you can pull off the Nod and Smile only twice per social function/group.  On the third time, you must “yes” and deliver.
• Pee and Move.  An important lesson in races and in life.  You need to go where you can and get a move on.  You think your “bathroom time” is your “quiet time”?  You have some seriously polite toddlers.  There’s no time for potty in racing!  Go go go! (Something I still can’t can’t can’t…)  Get it done and move on.
• Take Care of Your Toes. Triathletes and runners get the dreaded black toenail, calluses and other nasty foot things.  Just paint your toes every once in a while. The little splash of color will make you feel human.  I promise.  Even when you come in from a run and your toddler wipes a booger right on your big toe and screams, “ooooo pretty!”  You just smile and say, “You’re darn right, kid. Those are manicured toes. Take notice!”
• Sleep. Run. Do the Nasty. Repeat.  Just do it.  You’ll feel better.  And whoever’s on the receiving end might make you breakfast and say nice things about you to cronies the next day.  I said “might.”  Okay, so just do it because you’ll feel better.  Endorphins. We could all use a little tri-weekly euphoria. That’s right, I made a threesome joke. I’m tri-ing to stop…
• Ask for Help.  Find some good friends, neighbors, teenagers who will watch the munchkins while you go on a long run or ride.  If you are like the Expert and myself, we are training together, so it gives us a nice outing sans kids.  However, if your other half is a non-triathlete slug, he/she might not like getting stuck babysitting every weekend while you are out flying high on your tri bike. Still, you should give them a break too.  Get a sitter so the HeSlug/SheSlug can see the latest sci-fi movie while you are out playing fancy Orca in your wetsuit. Who knows…this might lead to a little more of the “nasty” from the step above.
• Eat Well.  Yes, I am no one to talk about nutrition or diet or anything other than mint chocolate chip ice cream and the deliciousness of all things Dairy Queen.  But I do intuit that healthy diet = happier momma.  Again, kids are learning by watching you (me) stuff your (my) face.  Okay…let’s move on.
• Make It Happen.  Time is short and life is busy.  You have to make it all happen.  Figure it out. Make time for your children, make time for training and handle your business at work/home/wherever you are beckoned.  Something inevitably “gives” when a new project is added.  So. Somehow, you must pull it all together and make it look pretty. Hopefully, no one will pull back the curtain and see all the Scotch tape and stretch marks.
• Put Yourself in Timeout.  Overtraining, overworked, overstressed?  Put yourself in timeout. Take a rest day.  Get out your crayons and doodle.  Whatever floats your sanity boat.  It’s tough being a hero, you know.  You gotta put your feet up, be lazy with the kids and give those knee-high red Wonder Woman boots a day off sometimes.