…the bad things will not define me. The bad people will not discourage me.
I swam so many laps tonight, I can’t count to three right now.
I started off the swim mad as all hell from my day at work. I was absolutely fuming as I strapped my goggles to my face and took off for the first 300 warm-up. I had my fat swimsuit on. The one I bought when I first starting swimming in late 2010. I don’t know why I packed that one today. But as I swam wearing the I-have-come-so-far swimsuit, it made me feel better.
I swam and swam and swam. I got madder, then I got faster. Then I started to smolder instead of just fume.
I swam more. 200s. 100s. 50s. 100s. I prayed. I cried a little. In goggles. (Very inconvenient to cry while swimming, FYI).
Until my shoulders and back ached more than my brain. Until my anger was washed away with the chlorine. And nothing but a dull memory of the day remained.
As I left the pool, I met two new people. One, a woman about my age, who asked if I did triathlons. I told her that I “dabble” and she said she was too intimidated. Well, that gave me a forum to blabber “yes you can yes you can yes you can” to her for a solid few minutes. Then I met a couple who is training for Ironman Florida this year. After my chats, I had completely forgotten about the bad day.
“It’s hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
It’s always darkest before the dawn.”
– Florence + the Machine
I wandered to the shower, and as I rinsed off my suit, the chlorine, I started crying again, thanking God so much for triathlon, for swimming. Sometimes I think I can’t take another minute….then I am shown the grace from a pool, the healing from a run, the cooling from a bike.
I walked in the door of our house with wet hair. I hugged the Expert. I cuddled my kids. I ate a giant bowl of spaghetti and two Reese’s cups. I did not feel guilty. I felt healed.
Another day will come tomorrow. Similar garbage may happen. But I know some things for sure – the bad things will not define me. The bad people will not discourage me.
I wish the same for all of you. Find the run. Find the swim. Find your quiet place. Hold onto those precious, quiet and difficult training moments. Because sometimes, the most painful workouts (or race photos)… are the most healing.
“In these bodies we will live
In these bodies will will die
Where you invest your love
You invest your life.”
–Mumford & Sons
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Great post! and it's fun to know someone else has the same taste in music as me.
1) Florence is awesome.
2) Great post, I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't use my workouts to get away from the things that drive me crazy. Ever since I was a high school swimmer and lifeguard I believed in the healing power of water. Few things make a day better.
Love this post! Training can be the most effective form of therapy. It reminds us how strong we are, that we are capable of accomplishing great things and provides a great outlet for stress! Keep your head up, you have a great attitude. And, yes, I've cried in goggles, too. 🙂
300 meter warmup? That was my whole swim today! I'll get there someday, I hope 🙂
As much as I complain about running, and I DO complain, there is nothing that allows me the freedom to let crap go than a good run (preferably on the beach). Triathlon is amazing in so many ways, stress release and a reminder of what's important are just 2 of them. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you!
~Carrie
THank you for this post!!!
The world according to triathlon makes us better, doesn't it? And I have the same songs (among others) as my power songs.
I had a really really crappy day a couple months ago, and got in the water, and kept singing "Shake it off, shake if off" over and over in my head. And I swam the crud out of my body and mind. It was amazing. And I too feel blessed and so aware of how lucky I am to be able to do this stuff.
I just love your blog and all you share. I can relate and wish we lived closer to I could talk to you in person and make you a mix CD of all my favorite tunes ! Keep on, keepin' on! Hope your long run is terrific this morning!
Tara
Boy you really know how to time a good post! I was so in need of this today. I think that you are awesome and such a motivator. Maybe one day I will be strong and confident enough to do a triathlon. Please continue to be who you are and keep up the great work! Thanks!!
That's one reason I like to swim on my work lunch breaks. It is a great stress reliever.
Kevin
HalfTRIing.blogspot.com
Thank you so much for this post. I teach at a college, and yesterday I had three classes in a row, two which were meeting for the first time in the semester. Everything was going really well, until I had two students who thought they were so much above everything in the last class, they were incredibly rude and disrespectful. I cam home feeling deflated, like a failure and a joke.
Reading your post reminds me to keep the right perspective. That world out there will alway exist, sometimes in harmony with me, and sometimes in exact opposition. I guess what really matters is how I see the world… just like you described.
Thank you again.
This is awesome. I starting running and now training for my first triathlon after having a miscarriage. The exercise was the best therapy I ever had. It keeps me from focusing on the past and gives me something else to think about beside whether I'll get pregnant this month. It really does help us all deal with all life throws at us.
I soooooo needed this today. Thank you for making me cry and realizing that bad days will come and go. Just move on and let the past be the past!
Love you guys <3 <3 🙂
I am a fairly new follower. Just discovered triathlon this year and completed my first 2 weeks ago. I needed to read this tonight. I had a fabulous 40 mile ride this morning. Glorious. And a terrible argument this evening with a friend. Its now 11pm and all I can think is I want to go swim or ride, or even run, to wash away this feeling of absolute ICK and feel how I felt this morning. So I’ll try to sleep tonight and get up and run because being a triathlete means I WILL be ok. Thank you so much.