God has been trying to teach me some massive lessons in patience lately.
After rushing into my first 70.3, God decided that he would make me fall on imaginary objects and forcibly break my foot to keep me from my second 70.3. I am very hard-headed. I am not blaming God. Even though I know God did this, purposefully.
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| Happy happy place… |
The truth of the matter is, at the time of the Massive Fall of 2012, I was very overwhelmed, at home with the kids and at work, and questioning my big life path.
With the busted foot, I was given the “relief” of not worrying about 70.3 miles so I could find some space to breathe with my life.
But I have worked around it. And turns out, the slow-down has been good. With 2/3 of my book mostly written and heading down the chute for editing, I see that the extra time has been well-utilized. So I am thankful. And I am patient. If anything will teach you lessons in patience: child rearing and book writing. Both are babies, both full of blabbering nonsense.
In other news….
Today, Mountain Goat made partner at her law firm. Woooohoooo!
This is the firm that I left a year ago, so I could be closer to my children (and my gym). I am SO happy for her, because she is one of my best good friends… AND she works like you would think a Mountain Goat would work (hard and uphill), and she is incredibly deserving of the promotion/honor/prestige.
At the same time, I found myself jealous… Jealous, even though I have never wanted to make partner. Ever. This was a consideration with my new firm – I told them that I didn’t care about partner, so they promptly put me on an extended partnership track (e.g., I will have grandchildren by the time those pigs fly). I was still fine with this.
However, I find myself living another lesson in patience.
Here’s how I explain it: as a lawyer, making partner is like the Kona of lawyer-dom. Even though I probably would die at Kona (the real one, or the “legal” partner one), apparently that doesn’t stop me from being jealous. Plus, when I left my old firm, I gave up some things I desperately miss (like seeing Mountain Goat on a daily basis, for example). The grass is always greener truism…has come full circle.
Actually, I am jealous for reasons other than what you might expect.
I am jealous, because I want to be… where I want to be. Now. And where I want to be… has absolutely nothing to do with the practice of law.
I have this picture on my desktop. And I am so glad I do, because I needed it big time today:
My big goal is not to make partner at a law firm. I am just not very lawyer-ly.
My big goal is to do triathlon, finish an Ironman, to write about it, to Tweet about it, and to make everyone in the world love and cherish triathlon as much as I now do, broke foot and all. I want to recruit a bazillion people to the sport to make us all sit around with our bikes singing ‘Til I Collapse by Eminem (instead of Kumbayah).
What I want to happen for me has absolutely nothing to do with my day job, even though I have a great day job. Absolutely nothing to do with making partner or ipso facto, res judicata or “Objection, Your Honor, Groping the witness.” What? Nevermind.
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| More Happy. |
Today, I have learned that my new lesson in patience is to keep perspective on what I want, and not think about what I might should want. To keep perspective of my dreams and my goals…which is going to take some time, some care and a whole lotta grace.
Of course, I extend my very best and biggest congrats to Mountain Goat, for making the Kona of the legal profession. I am still jealous and in awe! The Goat has successfully climbed her legal mountain! And the world needs more lawyers just like you, my dear MG. Keep on climbing!
As for me, I look at my Boot Countdown Clock (16 days) and hold my breath for the things I want to happen to me… someday.
I rest my case.
Great post! I am on the same extended track to VP, HR. Yeah, I couldn't care less. That is difficult for some to understand, but for me it is all about being happy. Hooray for knowing what we really want! It took some downtown (i.e. stupid injury) to gain a little more perspective on all of this…sometimes stupid injuries happen for a reason, right?
Wow! I check in on your site occasionally (not really a triathlete anymore but maybe someday again) but totally identified with the non-partner track. I left my previous employer (CPA firm) just after they told me they were making me partner. No thanks. I'm just figuring out what I want to be when I grow up!
Y'all need a life coach :).
Great post Meredith, and congratulations to Mountain Goat!!! Very exciting and impressive.
You know, getting to that goal will only push you on further to the next one. (don't slap me, but …) It's the journey that's important. That's where the joy and fulfillment are. Look right inside of you RIGHT now. You want to bring people to triathlon? You're already doing that! Step back and look, my friend. You're on the path and doing what you want. Of course, because this is "real" life, you're also doing some things you don't want, like playing that lawyer game and wearing a boot, but it's all part of the big picture. Without one, there cannot be the other. I, for one, am triathloning because of you. I'd have given up LONG ago!
And now I rest my case! (I've always wanted to say `that)
~Coach Carrie
Great post! You are great to find positive things out of a not so great event like a broken foot.
And you certainly make me think I might at least like triathlon. Maybe. Keep these positive posts about triathlons and things in general coming.
I absolutely love this post! My sister is an attorney so you had me laughing with the "ipso facto, res judicata" stuff! I had to read it out loud to my sister. I would love to do a triathlon one day and you always give me hope. BTW, I still don't know what I want to do in life either.
This hit so close to home with what is going on right now that I almost cried… and I NEVER cry! Great post and thank you for being so d*mn human.
Oh honey, God is INSISTENT on showing me that HIS plans are better than mine. I need to get about the business of leaning this so I can stop getting the same lesson over and over!
Things work out, not always (not usually) like we planned but oh, so much better than we ever imagined. It's the growing and learning that can be so painful. And the waiting, ugh, the waiting.
Big plan for you girlie. Big plans. I know it. And you'll record them all for us to marvel and ooh and Ahhh because like you, WE'LL be happy FOR you!
Hang in there – you can do ANYTHING for 16 days!
Have no fear my friend, you are SO on your way to the things you WANT. 😉 I admire you so much. Keep it up dear.
Sometimes your body needs a rest even if you dont think it does, but i KNOW youve got that Ironman in you…..awesome blog, and I hope you recover well and kick 140.6's booo-tay!!