Yes, my Ridiculous Life.
[Not “My So-Called Life.” Because that girl’s life was awesome, compared to…]
I tell ya. You find out who your real friends are… when you are homeless. I mean, it’s almost like some of my friends don’t want to know homeless people. Like we already are off the cool kid list. And that’s why they aren’t even checking on their homeless family friends of four. 🙂 I’m just glad that I’m the type of homeless girl who has a computer and an air-conditioned office to run retreat to.
Drama-rama. Okay, I’m being sarcastic. (Note: I understand that we are not actually homeless. I got it. I’m clear. I know. This is sarcasm. I mean, this post starts out with a teen angst drama picture. Funny. Humor. Got it?)
By the way, Swim Bike Mom is not likely to migrate back into blogging about actual triathlon training (and complaining about training) UNTIL we have a place to permanently live. So if you are hard-core and want to read about triathlon training, go on…. wait, if that was the case, why were you following me in the first place? This is likely going to be a series of blog posts about my, you guessed it, Ridiculous Life. Sarcasm. 
Our saint-of-a-friend, Heather, has so graciously let us crash in her brand spanking new condo.
I have been walking behind the kids with a towel and making them eat on plastic wrap, and saying, “Don’t touch anything! The walls are made of lava and will burn you!” Because, gosh, this house is soooo pretty and I would DIE if anything happened. And I am so thankful we have had a place to stay. This morning, the boy child was like, “I have to go poopy!” And for a split-second I seriously thought about telling the five year-old, “No! Hold it until you get to school! Don’t poopy here!!”
Okay, I didn’t. Alas, my stunning reign as Mom of the Year can continue.
So, it has been a massive God-send that Heather let us stay. I tell you.
But tomorrow… we are back to homeless. So we are 90% sure that we are going home to my parents’ in Savannah, lest we end up with bedbugs, crabs and a nasty cocaine habit from going back to the Extended Stay.
Although I am considering the cocaine habit. Because: 1) I would get ridiculously skinny; 2) become fabulously productive due to absolutely no sleep; 3) then I could go to rehab for 30 days (VACAY! VACAY!!!!) and everyone would be so proud of me when I conquered my coke addiction (“She’s just so strong. Wow. She’s now such a mentor to all the drug-addicted-triathletes everywhere.”); and 4) it would give me something to write about in a new book.
Downside? Oh, you know, stigma, actual addiction and the cost of it all.
Everything has a downside, man. Everything.
You can tell I’m a mess when two things fall apart in my life. Okay, three things.
1) My nails. I’m a lifelong nail-biter, who is in constant recovery. When things are good, I don’t bite. I grow and paint them. When hell busts out, I chew them down to my elbows. You should see my nails right now. Even the Expert yesterday was like, “For the love, Mere, stop working those nails.”
I glared at him. “What nails??? I have no nails.”
“What are you even chewing on?” he asked me.
“I don’t know. There’s nothing left. How sad when I can chew my own body down to nothing…”
He shook his head at me, thinking, Why is she always so dramatic… I could hear his brain.
2) My body & my nutrition.
Enough said. Tight pants. Doughnuts. Cookies. Eggrolls. If you walk too close, I’ll eat you.
3) My training. Nevermind the fact that this housing debacle is post-Ironman. So from the get-go, I’m feeling weird having just finished that race.
But man. I can’t even find my cycling shoes. I can’t even think about where my visors are. It’s going to be a hard road back. But like I told the Expert last night, we’ve done it before… we’ll do it again. Because there’s nothing that 10 days of clean eating and working out can’t cure. I believe that. So I’ll let you know when my 10 days starts so you can tune back into the blog and stop listening to my drama.
He said, “Man. Coeur d’Alene just feels so very far away.”
“Yep,” I said. “It’s like it was a dream. I can’t even fathom it.” [As I proceeded to run up the flight of stairs and had to stop at the top, huffing and puffing. Perfect!]
As far as the housing drama, our maintenance guy named Bob appears to have no idea what’s going on with anything.
Insert obvious joke picture here:
I wish our guy was THE Bob. At least Bob the Builder gets stuff done.
We are definitely homeless until best case Monday, I think.
I want to get all lawyerly (again) and threaten and scream and sue the pants off this company.
The Expert is just too tired. And really, that doesn’t help anything. He can’t face moving again. (Three times in three months? Even I think it’s a little insane.) So our stuff is sitting in the house we can’t use, technically isn’t ours, and because the internal temperature of the house is now 87 degrees. I can’t even stand to go pick up my particle board furniture from that hell dungeon.
Just keep MOVING forward. Ah-hem.
OMG hang in there girl. Since you always do such a great job at motivating me, I will share your words that are hanging on my wall next to my desk (in an attempt to get me through my next race in just over a week). Just Keep Moving Forward. Be Brave. Be Thankful. Brave…well, middle of the summer in the South, homeless with 2 kids and the Expert, and stuff in multiple dwellings (enough said…my OCD brain hurts for you). Thankful that no one has killed anyone yet….that we know of. Good luck!
Well well well, I know you post just hoping and waiting for my comment. Oh my holy drama! You just never should have come home from your Ironman! You should have stayed and recreated your ironman days and lived in denial about your homeless situation! As for the coke habit, I’d go for it, the new book idea is genius and who can turn down skinny and endless energy? Life for you sounds so exciting, hey man just be glad one of your kids doesn’t have autism because then you would really be screwed being homeless and you would go to rehab just to escape it all! Hope you get air or a new house soon, but if not it’ll just make me happy yes happy to read your posts because it makes me feel so much better about my life and my challenges! Think of it as a friend purge, now you can cut out all the ones who turned their air conditioned backs on you! Hope they have mean nick names! Well I’m done and am going to go sit under my fan with a blanket and think cool, calming, perfectly manicured nail thoughts, hope life turns around soon otherwise your posts might become dark & twisty! Oh on second thought, that’ll probably keep me interested! As Always, from always sunny Az Carie
If you do decide to go stay with your parents in Savannah let me know!!! We’ll have a dinner and drinks girl’s night! I’ll come to you!
Thank you for keeping your sense of humor through all this. After being through something similar (living in a 5th-wheeler, with no running water, for an undetermined amount of time, with 2 young-ins) I am so proud of you for ‘keeping it together.’ And, if you do move in with the ‘rents, please learn from my mistake: air vents conduct sound, and my MIL heard every cuss word I called her when I thought I was alone in the bathroom. Don’t go there…
Yes, it is ridiculous. You’re not remotely homeless, have never been homeless, and seem to have Zero perspective on just how lucky you are in this life. You sound like a spoiled brat completely unaware of the towering level of privilege you enjoy on the backs of other. Quit whining.
PS, when you’re a public figure you need to be mindful of the message you put out there. Calling yourself homeless when you’re wealthy (relatively) is offensive and deserves the backlash you’re getting.
You’re right, I only know what I’ve read, and what I read indicates you have a rock star life and always have. Nice houses, college educated, very good jobs, etc. I.e. Not homeless. Are you seriously so blind that you can’t see the stupidity of what you said? And I’m not the only one, as the now-deleted-by-you comments from others on your FB page evidence. I take exception to your mistake. Deal with it. If you can’t take criticism, get off the internet.
Wow. Love the blog and loving your posts about being homeless. Everything requires perspective. Panic about where/how you’re going to live is at the very bottom of hierarchy of needs. It doesn’t matter how privileged your life is or was, it’s about how the foundational items of life AS YOU KNOW IT are disrupted. Same amount of stress. I especially enjoy how you’ve attracted an array of fuck-tards who are so bitter and self-involved that they don’t see the humor in the sharing. Get over yourself, Rachel.
Wowza! After reading the bashing you are getting for being fake homeless I am no longer afraid of getting blocked or banned or deleted! In fact, I just might be considered your best friend right about now! Hey come to Az and I will put your family up in the “cat room” you are ok with a little litter aren’t you? And hey like Az is far when you are desperate and “fake homeless”! Come on people! If you follow swimbikemom aka the drama complainer then you have to know she kids and is sarcastic as hell and is just being her funny self! My gosh of course she knows she isn’t really homeless and she is just making light of a stressful situation, get off your judgemental high horse and go and comment somewhere else after all she is an Ironman now you know! As always your faithful stalker best friend Carie! Wow I’m in like Flynn now! Yes!
Oh btw, why is she more offended about the fake homelessness and not the fake coke habit?!? Just sayin.
Lol Carrie!! (about Rachel being upset about the homeless issue and not the cocain musings). Oh SBM, I was just certain I was your biggest fan until I read about all these other stalkers who love you too. I proudly wear your SBM tech shirts and visor daily, I have the SBM bumper sticker on my van, and I hope to meet you and get a pic with you at Acworth women’s tri next month so I can post it on my fb! You’re so darn real and inspiring, whether your posting about swimming 3,000 meters or being homeless. Don’t waver, and do keep it up. Haters gonna hate, as they say. The rest of us are gonna keep running and biking and waiting to read your latest posts. Thankyou for changing our lives– for showing us that we all can do tri too. Thanks for the Huma Gels endorsement which I now LOVE! And thanks for letting us come to love the Expert and James and Stella too. If you ever leave the Expert I think thousands of us will line up for him! Here’s hoping you get that AC fixed soon because you really need to get moving again. But in the meantime, have you ever tried Nutella???? Omg!
so sorry for the haters. sounds more like she is jealous. she should just stop reading and KEEP MOVING FORWARD.
I see now it just got real, we are fighting over who is the most favorite stalker! Haha! More than being offended I would be flattered that she considers you a “public” figure who needs to be more careful! Hey you know you have made it when you have bad and good comments! I’m just happy with the thought of being one of the good ones! Hey, so maybe we should form a swimbikemom stalker fan club? Oh and just for the record I tried to order swimbikemom shirts and they were sadly sold out, otherwise I’d rock mine too, and you might get a pic with her to brag about on your FB Debbie, but swimbikemom is coming to Az to do the Az Ironman here WITH me! Right swimbikemom?!? Haha
You are obviously adored by all, just some obviously a little more than others! You Can’t please us all, so just focus on me! As Always, C
If you lived in California I could offer ou houseing. Just say’in. Good luck you totally deserve a break. 🙂
I loved the post! I sat at my desk laughing so hard. To Rachel and the other haters, you should file a police report, someone stole your sense of humor.
Abby, well said! I always thought I have a Little black cloud of bad luck over my head, as strange and unpleasant stuff seems to roll over my family year after year, without end. I have thought thousands of times ‘i should write ths stuff down! ‘ But swimbike mom does! I smile, even laugh, because I CAN Relate. i know am also incredibly blessed with an education and childrn without serious special needs, etc. I know it could be worse, and I’m guessing Meredith knows that all too well too, but the truth is, so do all of those with the time and opportunity to sit on our electronic devices and have the luxury of reading Meredith’s very human, relatable, and inspiring journey. Life raising a family is full of so many challenges and it is the rare man or woman who gets through this life without having ups and also downs we are unsure we can climb over. Triathlon gives us a private, unique place to shine above the often grayness of our daily routine, no matter your ‘station’ in life. Meredith is showing us that in a very public way, because she’s funny and interesting us to keep us wanting to read her posts. Criticizers and haters, start your own blog and see how it goes!
We have room in Ohio, but somehow I just don’t see you wanting to move out to Ohio for a few days, weeks, months….. ok, ok. Hopefully it will all just be a distant memory soon and expert can say, “Man, being homeless seems live forever ago….”
Go for a run. No equipment needed
I spent 5 months homeless with four kids last year because of a mold problem. College educated. No resources. If it’s not your lease, your mortgage payment, your permanent situation, it’s homeless. What was my worst nightmare turned out being a huge blessing. I appreciated this article more than you know.
ROLLING on floor laughing my butt off….Your Cocaine Habit considerations, hysterical. I think I like the crazy homeless non-training Meredith a little bit more than the nervous focused training IM Meredith right now…hang in there, chica!
OK, so I think I won’t be popular with this comment but here goes. I live in Australia and it gets hot here, you know, over 100 degrees for many days at a time. I realize it’s worse when it’s humid as well, but seriously, you are making your family homeless because the weather is warm. Sign the lease, move in. Open the windows and buy fans if you need to. You will be fine, you did an Ironman. And you will be surprised what kids can put up with.