I was eating my wonderfully healthy fish and salad for lunch, dilly-dallying on Facebook, when I came across an archenemy’s profile.
(Okay, so I don’t really have an archenemy, but anyway.)
There she was, in her profile picture, this so-called-yes-no-yes-archenemy who used to be ugly and “fat” (she wasn’t really fat or ugly, for the record, but I didn’t like her.)
And there she is… now…. SHA-BAM!
I don’t know who her plastic surgeon or personal trainer or supplier for cocaine is… but she looks fabulous. Fabulous. Thin and blonde and happy.
Technically, I don’t care. Technically.
But being this ever-uniquely version of human, it bugged the ever-loving crap out of me, which spiraled into a conversation in my brain that went something like this…
What in the heck the last time I saw her she was horribly out of shape (and mean) and ugly and awful (and mean) and really, how does she get rewarded with the ability to be a stay-at-home mom (and mean!) and workout all day and clearly a boob job and a nose job (is that right?) or is it cheek implants too (plus Botox) and five hundred dollar shoes (those look like they hurt! ha.) and how in the world have i worked my my ass off in four hundred jobs, swam and biked and runned (is that a word) until i lose my mind, and yet I still get to enjoy this saggy skin bag of a belly and Compass-boobs that always point South… ugggggghhhhhhh…
Wow. “That Swim Bike Mom is all kinds of hateful.” Okay, so that was awful. But it’s accurate. It’s actually what went through my head. Feel free to delete me from your blogroll.
I would say that I am jealous, but I don’t know if that’s really the case. It bothers me because of my OWN battles–the weight and the hand-to-mouth “disease” that I have–that I have yet to conquer.
Right or wrong… it just plain gets in my damn head.
And then I am mad at myself that it bothers me.
We all have things that get in our heads… all of us. Whether we are willing to actually write it on a blog for the world to criticize, may be another thing… (stupid, actually).
For so long, before finding triathlon, I allowed everything to sit in my head–and block me from enjoying my life or even participating in my life. I wouldn’t wear a swimsuit (anywhere). I wouldn’t run (fear of the jiggles). I wouldn’t even go outside (without a sweater to hide my fat arms).
And for what? Because I had all this crap pinging around in my own head. Crap that was in my way. All the time.
So how is it that we overcome the comparisons, the jealously, the random sh*t that gets in our heads?
Well, I don’t have it figured out either.
And in this world of social media (gulity), it makes it even harder to not compare our selfies (guilty)… but today’s little episode was the first of its kind in quite some time.
In the past few years and through triathlon, I have learned to get a handle on this little bugger in a few ways. Here’s a few tricks that have brought me back down to reality to help keep the monsters out of my head.
Be Grateful
Whenever I pull out the comparison and start listing all the reasons that I’m not good enough or something isn’t good enough in my life, I try and take a moment to run through the never-ending list in my head–of all the wonderful things that I have in my life–from family to friends to my wide range of jobs to kiddos to chocolate.
Being in a space of gratefulness tends to erase some of the sh*t in the head.
Not to mention, I also realize how truly “first world” all of my so-called problems actually are.
Be Intentional
If we don’t like something about ourselves or our lives, we have the ability to make things better–in some small way. This starts with setting an intention–even the smallest of intentions–to put us on the right track. Whether it’s a choice to get up and workout, eat better, send a small note of thanks, or finally allowing yourself an act of forgiveness, these small intentional acts add up–big time.
No real changes can take place without first an intention and then, an action. And then consistency.
Slow Down
Oh, I can’t do this one… 🙂 Moving on.
Mind Your Own Business
I posted on the SBM Facebook page a bit ago, a poster that read, “Stop Comparing Your Chapter 1 to Someone Else’s Chapter 20.”
And how true is that? I mean, my archenemy could have been doing P90X for the last three years. Not that I need to compare, but I haven’t been doing P90X for the last 3 years, so why would I expect to look like I have? I also haven’t had any plastic surgery, so why would I think that my boobs would point anywhere other than South after weightlifting, two breastfed kids and gravity?
AND what do her boobs have to do with my boobs? Not a damn thing, is the answer!
Either way, if I just mind my own business and work on what is in front of me… that alleviates a lot of the hassle.
Focus on the Real Things
It’s funny, too, how the “things” that bother me are often superficial or really petty. Dumb crap that, in the grand scheme of things, matters NOTHING to my family, my contribution to the world or a hill of beans. (Boy, I’m really slinging out the Southern on this post, aren’t I…)
Also, I have learned that you never know what kind of battle someone is fighting. Really. Everyone may look like they have it all together–but we have no idea what the truth is… what real struggles exist and how we may just have no idea.
Depression. Struggles. Illness. Loss.
Sometimes, we don’t have a clue what we’re talking about and allowing to bother us… we are making mountains out of molehills… when other people have real mountains to climb.
Focusing on what matters… matters.
Let It Go
There’s not much you can do about naysayers and copy-cats and people that make you nuts–IF you are minding your own business. If they are inserting themselves into your headspace, heartspace or My Space (wait, does anyone even have MySpace anymore?), then you have the right to eject them. Seriously. Just press the eject button and move on. In the words of Elsa, let it go. Let them go. And at the same time, give yourself the freedom to be free. Let the toxic people and behaviors GO.
Put on your headphones…
Have a coffee on your bike trainer…
Easier said than done, I know. Trust me, I know. IknowIknowIknowIknow.
But in the end, if we are going to take care of ourselves, to grow to be the best versions of ourselves that we can be… we have to learn to control what we can… and let go of what we can’t (or shouldn’t) control.
So let’s join hands and sing together now…
I read this quote on another blog recently and it was helpful: “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” It’s so easy to fall into that comparison trap. But we have no idea what’s going on inside someone else’s head and can only work on what’s in ours. Another quote I read this morning: “Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” You’ll surprise yourself. <3
Comparison is the thief of joy . . .love this quote, wish I could tattoo it on my brain and actually buy into it and stop comparing myself to others (for better or worse). Sigh, work in progress, and as that kid in the viral video says, “worry about yourself! you drive!”. Good luck Momma, keep fighting!
Wow. Just. Wow. This post came at a time in my life when comparison has wrung every bit of joy out of my fitness routine. My efforts to keep up led to an injury that sidelined me for months. Now that I’m back one of my former partners is asking me to join them again, but I just feel bad about myself when I’m with them. They all do tris. I did two which was one too many. They run faster than me. Hell, they do everything faster than me. I’m sad. But reading your post made me feel better. It didn’t solve any of my problems, but it made me feel better. Thank you!
I cannot BELIEVE how you put into words my exact feelings!! Thank you for reassuring me that I am not the only one with these negative thoughts!! Thank you for your words of wisdom!
AND what do her boobs have to do with my boobs? Not a damn thing, is the answer! – um – Love love love this statement! Must remember this.
It gets “better”- meaning you don’t do it as ofter (the comparing oneself to others) the older you get I think. When I was in my 20s and 30s and doing what made me happy, I would get all kinds of crap from my co-workers. “what are you running from?” “you’re too skinny” “c’mon and go to happy hour with us and have a few drinks” or “here, have some (as the joint was passed around in our car pool), etc. etc. I knew my path but sometimes it was really hard to stay on it. I have to say I am glad I did. Stay on it. You can.
Just for the record: I don’t know about your arch enemy, but I can say for certain that you are strong, sexy, beautiful.
LOVED this. LOVED it. I am guilty of comparing myself to others as well. I didn’t start running races until after I had my 4th baby. I was 36 at the time. I am now 40!! I love reading running blogs. But let’s be honest there are VERY few popular running blogs out there written by women who aren’t in their 20’s. A handful in their EARLY 30’s. And I’m comparing myself to them. And it sucks. Not only that but most of them are stay at home mom’s .. yeah I’m not. On top of that my oldest daughter is disabled. Not something I really like to talk about. But to your point, we don’t know what people are dealing with behind closed doors. In that respect sometimes social media sucks, doesn’t it?
Agree with Kerry and Cheryl, it gets better with age. Now that I’m in my 40s I realize I looked pretty good in my 20s, but I couldn’t see it because I was always looking around at other people. Now, I’m mostly happy I can do things with my body, like triathlons (except when I’m injured, like now, which happens more often these days). Don’t know if I’m just too damn tired to compare, or just envious of other things, like houses or time (I love my son, and wouldn’t undo having him, but my childless friends have so much more time to do great stuff). I actually think it’s mostly that things are better than they were 2 years ago before I got back to looking after myself, and that’s what I notice now. My comparison is me now with me before (but not too much before). Progress is slow, but slow is better than none. And my eyes are bad enough that if I leave my glasses off I can’t see any wrinkles! But really, no one’s perfect, which is part of your message, and something that for some reason is easier to remember with age.
Sorry, Kerry didn’t really say that. Don’t mean to put words in your mouth.
I absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post!! Thank you for putting it all out there and for keeping it real, yo! Love it, Love you – thank you!!