I set out on a mission in December to SHATTER (and I mean DESTROY) the core belief I have carried for YEARS: my body was a thing of shame; my excess weight was a burden for me to always carry; I would never have fitness I have ALWAYS desired. ⠀
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I wish I had the mindset to love myself just AS I AM. ⠀
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But after almost 40 years, I can ADMIT I am not built that way. ⠀
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I am at PEACE with myself WHEN I prove TO MYSELF (and no one else) that I have given MYSELF my very best effort–for ME.⠀
When I give myself “half ass,” I can’t love myself. Because I don’t trust myself. ⠀
Because I don’t believe the things I am telling myself. ⠀
I think I am a damn liar. ⠀
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The drunk, binge-eating and sad Meredith was not me showing up as my best. I couldn’t even begin to love her. It was not ME giving my best effort. I was a SHELL of the person I wanted to be. ⠀
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And I was a shell of my own making.⠀
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No, it’s not about the scale or this tiny bathing suit. But I am PROUD of my hard work. I won’t shy away from that either. This is NOT about societal ideas, and IDGAF about anyone coming at me about body positivity. This is about a body covered in stretch marks, absent boobs, and sagging belly–that I am GROWING to love (finally). ⠀
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Loving myself and all my imperfections is because I am showing up every day, keeping promises to myself, and working hard. I am giving it my all. I trust myself. I believe in my dreams.⠀
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PEACE comes for me when I am doing my very best. ⠀
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Food addiction and bingeing is LETHAL. Food is not easy for some people. Food is an experiment – it is a weapon, and when it’s good, it’s a tool to carve and chisel and make life “good” / when food is destructive, it’s the worst kind of pain.
Everyone has a story to tell and live, and survive. Have kindness towards YOUR journey, and don’t buy into anyone else’s story as the “truth.”
If you don’t love yourself right now, ask yourself “what actions can I take to begin to trust myself?” and “what can I do right now that would set me on the right path?”
So many times I think we THINK and THINK, but we simply don’t put that foot in front of the other. We stand still, we feel stuck.
We are not stuck. We can be so much more than we think–no matter what obstacle we need to overcome. And look, I am not simplifying my life to skin and muscle and bones. I am much more complex and messed up than that. The external work is also indicative of a lot of hard ass internal work.
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I just stand here – with a tricep for maybe the first time in my life – telling everyone that whatever you want to SHATTER… you absolutely CAN.
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Whatever you want to change – let’s get on it. It’s time to LIVE – however YOU see fit. ⠀
I am not here to allow anyone to tell me how to live MY life. I am not telling YOU how to live yours. But I am telling you that it’s time to LIVE. We are here to LIVE.
#YouGotThis
#YearofNoNonsense #TransformationTuesday⠀
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